The Pros and Cons of World Domination
by The 21 blue dudes
Summary: What comes after the fighting is over and you rule the world. One-shot


After World Domination.

The black mage sat on his throne high above the oppressed and enslaved, it was a pleasing view. Millions of tireless souls working move a statue in his honour into his dais, a monolithic figure hurling black lightning and fireballs onto a sea of poor little burning stone figurines. He liked this he decided, it had made him look commanding and showed a healthy sense of self confidence. Ooh and they had really gotten his good side with that pose.

A demon flew into the hall."My lord, your statue is here."

Like he couldn't see that, the thing weighed several tons and was the height of an eighteen wheeler, who on earth could miss it? You're the ruler of the world and they still treat you like you have the brainpower of a five year old.

He sat back down on his throne, carved on iron and bone, his interior designer had suggested it claiming it would represent his iron bound rule and the hardened resolve to keep it that way. Personally he would have preferred the soft cushioned Lazy boy with velvet finish but apparently dark rulers of the world did not do Lazy boys. He snapped off a bit of the bone throne that had been poking him in the back and tossed it across the hall. It spun twice and impaled the idiotic interior designer in the head who fell out of the balcony screaming.

Three months of pain and annoyance from a bloody chair, not even those wretched paladins and knights had caused him so much problems. Note to self, buy a Lazy boy.

"My Lord, has the interior designer displeased you?" Another demon servant asked.

The black mage groaned inwardly, did he really have to spell everything out for these numbskulls ? In which universe did killing a man with a chair count as happiness? He sighed "Yes."

"How so my Lord?"

He contemplated telling the demon about the lazy boy issue but decided against it, evil leaders did not whine about petty issues like which chair had more comfort and recline ability."Would you like another statue to please you my Lord?"

The black mage looked at the hall, it was filled with hundreds of versions of him, in silver, gold, diamond platinum and every other credit card colour. All of them so cold, and...lonely. None of his statues had anyone else but him, and burning tortured soldiers did not count neither did the ones getting tramped under his Dr Martens.

He thought for a moment and smiled, the hood over his head concealed this of course."Yes, I err, I want a statue made of chocolate frosting and my friends on it too." He said this trying to exert as much commanding evil power into his voice but one cannot say "chocolate frosting" and sound evil at the same time.

The demon gave a surprised squeak ." Chocolate frosting my lord?"

"Yes, surely we have that?"

The demon looked like it was about to die of fright "Err, I'm afraid not my Lord. You decreed all bakeries closed in order for manpower to go into mining for minerals to make statues."

"WHAT!"

The demon's heart gave out, it slumped on the floor dead, with a crack as its face hit the floor first.

"What about door to door salesmen, surely those annoying idiots have some, they sell everything."

The hall went quiet save the squeaking sound of the dead demon being pulled across the marble floor out of the hall.

"They're all dead sir, your had them massacred because they annoyed you. They're all hanging outside like wind chimes. "

The Black Mage tugged his hood in frustration. "Fine, I decree the immediate reinstatement of all bakers to their original jobs to make the finest chocolate frosting in the land."

The demon shifted uncomfortably, "But we need wheat, flour, coca and sugar."

"ENOUGH! JUST GET THE DAMN CHOCOLATE FROSTING! "

Three months later.

Magnus came running into the throne room "Sir?"

The black mage groaned sinking his head into his hands "what now?"

"They're asking for a budget allocation meeting. Followed by a internal security meeting at ten"

The Black mage had just gotten his Lazy Boy order and was on recline mode watching his old chair work as tinder for his fire place.

"Budget allocation, when did we have a budget allocation meeting? Do we even have a budget, I own all the gold in the world."

Magnus adjusted his suit and tie uncomfortably, he'd traded his armour off since running around from meeting to meeting became to cumbersome in a hunk of metal "They're asking for a pay sir."

"Who?"

"The err frosting bakers sir."

"So kill them and hire another bunch."

"Can't sir, if we kill them they'll riot, they have nothing to lose...apart for their unpaid for jobs. The press will practically crucify us for abuse of human rights"

The black mage stared "Press, media, human rights? Why does no one tell me this stuff"

"Not sure sir but if you follow me now, I'll explain on the way. Here's your bagel and sugar free coffee " Black Mage, master of the entire maple world CEO of BLACK MAGE industries and corporation, sighed and rushed out of the throne room pulling on his suit. Total world domination, he really hadn't thought that one through.


End file.
